How to Be There for Someone: Active Listening and Advice Giving

1. Be curious (intellectually): Listen. Also pay attention to the person’s body language.
2. Ask questions:  Ask for clarifications but do not interrogate. Make sure you ask questions in a neutral and sympathetic tone.
3. Relate (emotionally): Relate to the speaker emotionally.
4. Hold it: Do not ignore your own emotions and thoughts during the conversation; Instead, simply hold them for later reflection.
5. Validate: An individual who tells you about a difficulty might not want advice but to feel validated, heard, and understood. Validate the person’s perception of the event.
6. Give advice: Offer advice only if the person is asking for advice. When giving advice, use logic. Point out helpful resources (articles, books, …)
7. Do not force yourself to listen. If you are busy, let the person know and offer a later time to meet with them and hear them out.

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